Before I post about my sn, I should let you all know that in about 2 months I will leave for Japan for a 10 month exchange program. If you want to check out my blog, it's
[link]
And now, onto my sn.

My sn is pretty much a testement to who I was, and who I am now. Let me explain.

All through elementary and middle school, I had a "friend" who convinced me that I was worthless. Many times, she told me that I was fat, ugly, stupid, and wouldn't amount to anything in life. It got to the point where I completley believed her. And, even though I know she was wrong, her ideas still creep into my life every now and then.

The day that I originally made my sn, around 4th grade, we were hanging out at my house. I couldn't think of a good sn. She suggested "brainless" and I suggested "47" because my friend made a sn and at the end put the month and day she was born. For me, April (4) 7th.

It may seem like a funny sn now, but I know better. I know that she chose that because she wanted me on a lower level than she was. And I let her. I shouldn't have let her put me below her for all those years, but I did.

I still keep my sn, however. I keep it to remind myself why I should never associate with those kind of people again. My sn brings up a lot of painful memories, but it also holds hope. I know that one day I'll put everything from elementary and middle school behind me and start over completely. Hell, I've already started.

Part of the reason I'm going to Japan, other than learning the language and exposing myself to a culture that I will one day be a part of (hopefully) is to create a new life. I did in High School, but it's so hard to let go, especially if you're in the same city you were in when all of the pain began.

Since Freshman year, I've wanted to leave. I looked at boarding schools in England, but I knew my family couldn't afford them. Japan, I think is a wonderful opportunity for many reasons. But, also for emotional reasons. Elementary and middle school changed me so much, and I finally get an opportunity to forget when I leave. I can create something new and good. It will be more than worth it.